QuaSyLaTic Reflection

Question of "Team Player"

2006-09-10T15:07:00.000+08:00

Related to the previous artilce "Hidden Knife", "Group Think Symdrome", after more data gathered on 7th Sept

In organisation, there is great emphasis on teamwork. No doubt, teamwork is important in many aspects of organisation life.

At the same time, there is mix-up between teamwork and fellowship! This itself can create problems in cohesiveness of members in an organisation.

I think the mix-up stems from lack of focus on the ultimate purpose for a group of people interacton and dynamic.

For example, a football team requires tremendous amount of teamwork for the purpose to play and game well and win. Every member must play his or her part to contribute towards the common goal.

When the members also exihibit high degree of fellowship, closeness among themselves even outside the games, that is extra bonus.

It is also possible that some members have different prorities, interests and preferences in life outside the games, and do not join in the fellowship, or not exhibiting the same type of chemistry like other members. At the same time, these members carry out their tasks deligently and make good contribution to the end results. Surely you don't accuse these people as not team-players.

In organisation, certain job functions are designed for the incumbents to perform jobs without much interaction with other members. Again, there should not be accusation again them as non team-players if they perform their jobs well, and it may just happen that they do not see the need of extra fellowship with other members.

Likewsie certain job requires a team effort. Even if the members have different preferences, efforts must be made by everyone to achieve the common goal. In this case, teamwork is paramount.

Sadly I observe high emotion and bad sentiments when accusation againt each other as non teamplayer with making distinction between teamwork for a purpose and fellowhip.

In another forum we will disucss how we go about coaching the organisation and the "victim" being accsued as non teamplayer.

Group Think Symdrome

2006-09-09T10:40:00.000+08:00

Related to the previous artilce "Hidden Knife", after more data gathered on 7th Sept

Group think is a common phenomena. A group of people who think alike and easily reach a consensus or conclusion. This can lead to consequences, positive or negatvie, intended or un-intended.

We are continueing with our observations and discussion of a management committee who has decided to officially pass a judgment against a staff's behavior, from the perspective of Group Think.

Someone, say a member of a management committee or the chairperson expresses his or her dis-satifaction or dis-appointment about a staff behavior, a group think mechanism is activated under the following circumstances.

- The chairperson initiates the move. This can quickly result in echo from quite a number of the committee members. Majority would want to sing along with the chairperson, who may be a big boss.

- A homogeneous or cohesive number of people in the group, which could be a majority. This could be they have similar thinking preferences and oreintation, behavioral styles. Whoever voice an opinion (against somebody else) the same echo is the response. The rest of the members may go along, not wanting to rock the boat, or have no stake in the affairs, or also sincerely agree with them.

- Most of the members may add in similiar opinions, without knowing the consequence is an official letter to the "accused" person. Some of them may regret, feel bad that the unpleasant consequences were not intended.

(No one is a saint or perfect person, there are always some weaknesses in every one, and if the focus is on the weakness, a lot of observations can be gathered. Unfortunate thing is that such gathering of observatons become the conclusion!)

I think the above Group Think Symdrome is common and natural. The question is what would be a good process to ensure professionalism and objectivity?

In the above scenarios, I suggest

a) Deliberately the whole group be facilitated to play an opposite role i.e. to also amplify the strengths, not just the weaknesses.

b) Whatever maybe the outcome from the above, evaluate against the severity of the action to be taken, in this case, issuing an official letter with "bad news"

c) Of course, before such issuance of letter, the person must be adequatedly informed , communicated and coached (which normally shoule resolve the issue).

Next related article "Question of Team Player"
In another forum we will disucss how we go about coaching the organisation and the "victim"

Hidden Knife

2006-08-14T22:52:00.000+08:00

I am really shocked, or amused, or puzzled when I heard something today. How could I summarize quickly what happened?

Well, a group of people make some observations about somebody (obviously not something to their tastes) and form an opinion or judgment about that somebody. This has been taking place for a long time. The interesting thing is the very person has not been informed, communicated in any way.

It is common and natural for every one to find somebody not to his or her taste, live up to his or her expectation, or simply having different style, personality. In most cases, when such remarks are made among people who think alike,there is good consensus and agreement among themselves, although not to the awareness of the person they criticize. I suppose it is alright if that person has no particular relationship with them. For example : the person is a film star, singer, or government head, or president.

However, it is a different matter if that person is a friend, a staff, a customer or even competitor. As this can be construed as character assassination.

I still feel a sense of shock and amusement, as the group of people happens to be a management committee, passing their collective judgment against a staff, who does not know a single bit the dis-satisfaction against him or her. And such judgement becomes an offical record of that person.

I believe when an organisation exercises a lot of transparent communication, a lot of issues can be resolved. It is difficult to expect the staff to be pro-active if the staff does not even know there is such "closed door judgment" on him or her.

Next related article "Group Think Symdrome"
In another forum we will disucss how we go about coaching the organisation and the "victim"

My Goal Vs My Request

2006-06-25T07:45:00.000+08:00

I find it interesting to notice how people use the words “My Goal”, when situation is such that there is frustration and dissatisfaction.

“My goal cannot be fulfilled.” “My goal is being denied.” “Things are preventing me to achieve my goals.”

It can be an executive whose goal is to become a General Manager in 10 years, but current posting or assignment will not get him there. Or, a student who wants to pursue a study in certain subject, or place of further study, is given an opportunity different from what his or her requirements.

“My Goal” or “What I really want” with strong identity and conviction is a strong and powerful force, ideally speaking. It implies that in spite of negative external circumstances: lack of resources, different, opposite or conflicting requirements of other stakeholders that can have impact on the outcome of what that person wants or desires, the person still can achieve what he wants. Or, what appeal to be un-satisfactory situation currently, over time, a win-win situation can be created, or with slightly different perspectives of the desired goals, a new, synergetic outcome (not currently known) can be created.

If “My Goal” is not understood in the light of empowering notion, then the expression “My Goal is being denied” can be taken to mean “My request is being denied”, as request implies relying or depending on external factors, e.g. external parties, or resources like money, time, authority) to get what that person wants.

A Child’s Wisdom, An Adult’s Learning

2006-02-02T16:35:00.000+08:00

When I was studying in St. Paul Primary School, Kuching, Sarawak, a new student joined us. I heard that his family was from Shanghai China. His name is Wang Lu Chiang.

Lu Chiang was a very smart boy, but very naughty. He was certainly a very kinesthetic person, as he could not sit still for a few minutes. Being hyper-active, he was under constant disciplinary action from his mother, as we often saw bruises on his body. When we asked him : “What happened?”, he would reply with a smile and answered : “I was naughty at home and my mother beat me.”

We were good friends. One day, I asked him whether I could visit him at his house. He said, “You are most welcome.”

After school, we took a bus to his house. One the way, he coached me : “You see, my mother is a very strict and no-nonsense person. She has high standards of things and expectation of children. She likes children to be well-behaved, polite, show respect to elders.” Then he continued to coach me how should I address her mother, how should I make enquiries about her on things that show respect to elders, how should I stand and talk when facing her, etc. and etc.

I followed Lu Chiang’s instructions, and the meeting with his mother went well. She commented I was a good boy.

As I reflected on this incident happened so many years ago, I realized the wisdom of my friend, then at such a young age. He knew that I was not brought up the type of standard of his mother, and the meeting at his house can be very unpleasant. That would spoil his intention to have a good time with a friend (me), at his house. And he coached me. Indirectly I also learned how to be polite to the elders.

To day I see much confrontation between parents and children, while parents should have greater responsibilities to ease the matter and create win-win outcome, children can learn a lot from my friend Lu Chiang to create a more pleasant outcome for everyone. More often than not, children may react by going either extreme, like totally ignoring the parents’ nagging and bring their friends home to do what they like, which will definitely create more quarrels and confrontations, or swear never to bring friends home but to go out with them and do what they like outside the worlds of the parents, which may result in incidents not desired by any party at all.

Lu Chiang knew what he wanted in life and he took steps to create the results desired. He wanted an active life (others perceived him as naughty) and he accepted the consequences of being "punished" by the mother. He wanted to have a good time with his friend (me) at his house, and he coached me how to please his mother.

We lost contact with each other after the primary school. I imagine that he will continue to achieve what he wants in life, say, to pursue further study with objectiions from certain parties, to work on his ideals with resistance from his employer, or to create a market with stiff competition from the competitors.

Looking at us as adults as compared with Lu Chiang at such a young age, we do not have the skills in handling confrontation, whether with adults or children. We act or react with emotion, and the mindset of “I am right, you are wrong.” (a perfect recipe for escalating any confrontation to a boiling point). We do not ask the most fundamental questions “What do I really want and don't want in this type of situation? If I do know what I really want, what strategies and flexibilities should I exercise to get what I want?”

Un-easy Feeling

2005-12-26T13:57:00.000+08:00

Recently I had a conversation with someone and I have an un-easy feeling many days later.

I try to figure out the reasons why.

During normal or casual conversation, each party may naturally and spontaneously express his or her views and feelings. With such sharing, there maybe similar worldviews or differences. The later, may or maynot result in un-easy feeling, when both parties respect each other point of views.

But when each or both parties have certain expectations, for example, seeking understanding, agreement, taking collective action or decision, and if such expectations are not met, frustration may develop.

Looking back, the person I communicated may have certain expectation not met by me as per my response to him. And from there, I did not get further response from him that can make me feel good. Then I developed this un-easy feeling.

I can see clearer now that I was too absorbed in my point of views earlier. Although I thought I had fair and objective messages, I did not achieve rapport building results.

I also become aware that quite often, in communication, we are not conscious of what outcome we want to achieve. In my case, my un-conscious communication objective was my points of view.

In future, if I do not want such an un-easy feeling, I need to be mindful of my conversation outcome or objective.

Refer Creating Rapport

End

The Virtue of Thriftiness

2005-12-25T14:02:00.000+08:00

Thriftiness is a good virtue and it is practiced by many.

I see many working parents and professionals careful with their money. They do not spend on un-necessary things and save every cent for the future. They live a very simple and humble life-style.

On closer examination, they may save $1 and lose $10. And they do not know about that.

We will discuss a few examples.

In today high cost living and modern world, most are aware of the simple notion of investment - let the money work for you. Being thrifty and careful about their money, they intend to invest without taking high risk. They want to be very prudent. They invest in properties, stock, unit trusts, insurance etc. that are "explained" by agents or friends as safe, and for long term.

After the investment made, they leave the whole thing to the system and time, and they do not monitor, do not really know the performance, rate of return of the investment. Even if they know the performance results, making money or losing money, they may not have the basis to make further decisions like let the profit grow, protect their capital, cut loss, make necessary switching etc. etc.

They rely on hope, long term, diversification, .. without knowing that their investment is a function of the market forces. That is, when they really need the money and if the market is profitable, they may make some handsome gain. But if the market is depressed, they may lose heavily, creating difficulties to meet the higher financial needs of the later years.

They may save $1 and loss $10.

The virtue of thriftiness needs to be put in the context of financial and investment literacy.

End.

The Paradox of Many Choices

2005-12-14T21:18:00.000+08:00

Many parents commented : “Today children are very fortunate as they have many choices and options. Unlike the old days, there were hardly any choice and we just had to do what needed to be done.”

Choices and options can range from many schools to choose from, different combination of subjects, further study opportunity, at home or abroad. Then there are all types of entertainments, leisure, traveling, making friends even at the global village through internet. Then there is a great varieties of careers, businesses or investment to make a living.

Indeed, we can say there is blessing to those who make good choices with satisfactory results.

But many choices can become a big problem, especially for the teenagers or young adults.

The overwhelming multi-choices can become a great bewilderment and confusion. Even for those who already make the choices, e.g. higher study, job, starting a new family, there could be a hanging cloud over their heads : “Did I make the correct choice?” especially when they make comparisons with others. Some even wonder : “Are my parents the best?” - either with higher expectation, or simply they do not know what they are looking for in life; using what appropriate frames of mind to look at the reality around them, which is fairly complex.

Of course, there are other options, desired by them, but not within their reach.

On one hand, the youth is trying to settle down with the chosen options (surely no one can have the best of all worlds!), they are trying to build their own identity with self-confidence. But such process takes time and experience, and most importantly, good reflection to acquire the wisdom.

While they are on the learning curve to establish certainty and permanency, the youth manifest all types of behavior. On one extreme, it can be violence like road rage (just recently some youths killed a road user, (a young driver also) who was slightly slow in his driving, annoyed the car drivers behind), to outburst of temper with unkind words towards their own siblings or parents.

Basically, they see problem outside them. Their state of mind, (unstable or not feeling fulfilled) is attributed by outside factors: circumstances, events, classmates, teachers, friends, or even parents,

The paradox of many choices is both a challenge to the youth and the old and the society at large.

End.

Excessive Check Causing Paralysis

2005-11-27T16:29:00.000+08:00

A few days ago I had a conversation with a friend who works with a large corporation. He is of the view that there are excessive checks carried out by the organisation in various activities and transactions. As a result, desired business performance suffers.

Interestingly, when the busienss performance deteriorates, more investigation and more checks are to be carried out, causing even more problems.

When a decision is made, for example, delagting tasks and responsibilities to a party, internal (staf) or external (consultants, or constrctors), there are high rationale to ensure things are under control, for better assurance, many checks, reviews, audit etc. are carried out. Another new party may be commissioned to check on the current committee who is doing the checking or reviewing.

Many times these checks are done with good intention, unfortunately unintended negative consequences resulted.

It is also not un-common, especially in a large corporation, there are other motives and private agenda in promoting checks and more checks. It can be a case of empire building, or merely insecure feeling of not demonstrating sufficient work or contribution by some high salaried managers.

Leaders or reformers advocate TRUST, meaning that when there is sufficient trust, checks and more checks can be reduced, more energy can be channelled to value-added work.

How to build trust?

There are many theories. It is a complex subject which is more than just a few expoused statements, redesigned systems and processes, a few training sessions or workshops, or a program or two.

I prefer Gandhi's model - start with a humble self (who ever wants to advocate trust) and creates his or her own sphere of influence. If necessary, seek the help of an external coach.

End.

Behavior is Not the Identity

2005-11-21T21:47:00.000+08:00

It is common to see either confusion or ignorance on the two things : behavior and identity. Often, it is an automatic response to equate behavior with identity.

For example, an angry parents shout at the boy :"YOU, lazy boy!" Or the wife will scream at the husband : "YOU are useless or louzy!" Or, a manager wrote about his staff : "HE is irresponsible and not committed."

Actually the above persons making the comments or judgement are referring to a set of behaviors, and conclude and equate that sets of behavior with the identity of that person.

These types of confusion or ignorance is often one of the root causes to communication and relationship problem.

"A person is more than what he or she is!". Or "More than what you currently observer and experience."

As people equate behavior with identity, a conclusion is already made on the totality of the other person. The windom is shut for any further exploration and this can be a great loss.

End

Leader or Follower as a New Employee

2005-11-19T21:32:00.000+08:00

Very often I observe new employee, though with high enthusiasm and expectation of a new job, gets rather frustrated for not feeling needed or useful.

Usually, employer does not have a good familiarization or training program, or mentoring or coaching system to help the new recruit.

In those cases where there are such programs, there are many cases of in competent, non-dedicated superior or mentor or coach. As a result the new employee is left wondering around, learning little, doing nothing or just helping out in phostatting some reports for the seniors.

Among these new staff, there are typically two distinct types of behavior: namely a) follower, b) leader.

Majority of the employee population is follower type. They are dependent on a good system and committed superior or senior or colleagues to guide them, give them the learning opportunity, some need spoon-feeding, only then they move on to learn things, gain experience and make contribution and progress on.

Unfortunately, many of these followers do not meet such ideal situation to help them to move along. They will float alone with the easy non-productive work culture. Usually they make compliant, feel frustrated. Over time, they get used to such culture, and become non—productive and not gaining any competency or skills. These are the people who become most venerable during the time of downsizing, out-sourcing or re-engineering as they have no market value and their livelihood is dependent on the employer. They cannot control their own destiny.

There is another type of behavior, which is leader-type. These are the minority.

In spite of the fact that there is no system in his or her personal development, no committed superior or boss to guide, coach or mentor him or her, this person will take initiate to learn thing, with creative mind.

He or she has the policy that every working day MUST be a learning day and productive day. S/he makes daily assessment of time-spent and learning gain. This person has clear idea of his or her goals and career path, which gives direction for him or her to absorb the necessary knowledge and experience.

He or she may read the appropriate books for new ideas or discipline for consistent daily activity to sustain his or her learning appetite, or seek some-one, even outside the employer company to guide or coach him or her.

The leader-type of behavior is very few, as being an employee, he or she can take things for granted that there is paycheck at the end of the month, why worry!

Hence, there are more leaders in businessmen, as they cannot survive if they act like followers, waiting for instructions or spoon-feeding.

End

Plunging into the Sea

2005-11-19T00:16:00.000+08:00

My friend was offered a challenging job, but he felt that it was too big a challenge and he was not ready. He thought that he did not have that much knowledge and experience in that particular field to deliver what was expected of him.

Then, there is another idea, “why not take the plunge into the sea and learn how to swim.”

Certainly the could be one strategy to find out how well one can swim by taking a plunge.

Then I reflect on myself, how has been my own strategy in acquiring the necessary knowledge and skills in taking up a challenge, and most important of all, how to have the confidence to do so.

In my case, I think it is my state of mind, or rather, the readiness of my mental state. Then, how do I get mentally ready?

Let me use my recent example of my interest and passion in learning NLP, - Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

First, the ideas I read from the book on NLP attract me. Then I took up some basics from some training courses. (I know that just by attending some training course, one may still not have the confidence, nor skills to apply NLP. And true enough, non of the participants in the training class did anything about NLP or practice any of it.)

From the little ideas and training demonstration, I felt that I have the methodology and solution to solve the world problem, and I tried and applied what I learned to some willing people around me. From there, I found that there is much more learning to be done, and I repeat the some process, learn and apply, learn and apply.

Over time, I pick up more skills and apply more and take up more difficult cases.

Hence, my learning strategy seems to be :

Take the plunge into the sea (thinking I could swim in the sea) and very soon, I struggled and quickly retreated to the shore and learn new skills, plunge into the sea again and swim a bit further.

It is bit by bit, day by day using such approach I gain more confidence and more skills.

Other may prefer to be given a conducive and “safe’ environment to learn, say, to under-study somebody, giving the necessary coaching, right dosages to swallow. It is possible that without the ready state of mind, even with such “protected learning” approach, the person may still feel not ready to take the plunge into the sea.

For me, mental state is the clue.

End

Emotion Running High

2005-10-23T19:31:00.000+08:00

A friend was sharing with me his frustration when talking to his CEO (Chief Executive Officer). He claimed that the CEO did not have the ability in “strategic conversation.” My friend also believes that he was not recommended for the next promotion in his career because the CEO could not see the capability and potentiality in him.

He cited an example.

After making the research and preparation on a business issue, he was supposed to make 30 min. presentation. The CEO picked up one point and asked him for action, or decision in less than 5 min. My friend was most annoyed as he had yet to present the overall picture, necessary concepts and rationale. He said the boss was always so jumpy, reactive and seeking for action. And the CEO’s behavior continued throughout his presentation.

Interestingly during my coaching service to a client, something similar happened. The client was frustrated and angry with his spouse, for not listening to his entire story about an issue, and the wife reacted and “attacked” him several times in the middle of his talking.. The wife accused him for being insensitive to her points of views and that “the tone of his voice”, when replying her queries, was totally unacceptable.

Who is right, who is wrong? CEO or my friend? My client or his wife?

It is common to see such behavior in conversation, and either party feels impatient, frustrated and angry at each other. This is caused by different mode or preferred thinking inclination in “Small Chunk or Big Chuck”, “Small Picture or Big Picture”.

Some people prefer to see the whole picture before carrying out thinking process to act or make decision. Presenter would like to tell the whole story, listener would just take note first or seek for more information before reacting.

Others prefer to take small chunk of information, one at a time, and start processing or reacting. Presenter would like to reach conclusions with some evidence, listener would like to interrupt to seek resolution first.

In the business setting like the CEO and my friend, each can accuse the other in the name of the company mission and vision, using rationale and logic.

In the case of family relationship, like the husband and wife, emotion can run high, accusing each other for not listening attentively, or using the wrong tone of voice.

Again, who is right, who is wrong?

I suppose, “the boss is always right”. If my friend wants a promotion, it is wise to admit his boss is right. In the case of husband and wife, find out who is usually “the boss” of the house, who needs who more to achieve the intended goal.

What is your thinking orientation: small chunk size or large chuck size?

Andrew

Too eager to teach, advice and talk

2005-10-07T09:18:00.000+08:00

Too often I notice sincere, well intention people, wanting to contribute, to do good.

This is especially so among the older people. People with a lot of life experience and wisdom. People who are retiring or retiree.

Another category of such people are the parents, who have taken more salt in their life than their children.

Naturally, with wealth of experience, they can easily see the pitfalls, inadequacy, inefficiency, ignorance, or misunderstanding of things, of people who are trying to realize a goal, do a project, or organize an event or exhibit certain behaviors.

With eagerness and passion, they "charge" in to try to rescue the situation from turning bad. They give advice, lecture. They try to teach the ignorant. They tell and share their stories, usually long stories of their earlier mistakes, or successes.

Unfortunately, things still do not work out well. The NGO organization still suffer diminishing membership problem, the projects launched do not get the expected response from the public. The commercial organizations, with these eager and enthusiastic advisors, still have product quality problems, safety issues, customer complaints.

The children behaviors do not change for the better, with all the good lectures and advice and telling from the parents.

The well intention people are simply too eager to teach, advice and talk.

They do not realize that effective communication and learning to produce intended outcome is not just by one way communication in the form or teaching, advice and talking or telling.

A greater chance for things to happen the way it should be maybe for these sincere people to learn new knowledge and skills to listen (by suspending their own values and judgment) to facilitate (to make things easy for people to learn collectively) and to coach (helping people to seek their own solutions).

People with enormous experience and wisdom can become more effective facilitators and coaches when they learn how to reframe their mind from less teaching, advice and talking, to designing conducive learning environment and deeper inquiry questions for the learners, and listening to the response they elict.

End.

A Different type of Builder

2005-10-07T08:49:00.000+08:00

Last night I was talking to a good friend of mine. He is a builder.

In a true sense, he is a builder as he builds bridges, buildings, houses. He is a Civil and Structural Engineer and he is good at his profession.

As he has great capacity to give back to the community, on a voluntary basic, he builds shelters and homes for the needy or homeless, churches, etc.

On reflection, he realizes he is always on the move to build things. Before completing building a home for the handicap, he is thinking of building what next. This does not really give him the satisfaction or great fulfillment.

As he is a devoted Christian, sometimes he wonders : "Does God want me to build and build?"

Our conversation last night explored the concept of "building" and we talked about "A Different Type of Builder".

What about building a community, building relationship, building a foundation for love and care to flourish?

We concluded that, indeed, it is a different type of builder.

Community builder requires different knowledge and skills.

The former can have all the architectural and engineering details for a realization of a physical building to be constructed, but the later do not necessary have such details, certainly no such precision within a few centimeter of physical dimension.

The later involves a vision, but no engineering details. Every building step may give rise to different emergent phenomena as it involves human beings. Hence this new builder has to stay focused and alert, reflecting and reviewing his own beliefs and values systems before he takes the next move.

This may be a more challenging and satisfying experience.

End.

A Frustrated Kung Fu Fighter

2005-09-24T21:35:00.000+08:00

In a typical Kung-Fu movie, a well-trained martial art fellow descended from a high mountain to the world to rid all evils and save mankind. Armed with many years of physical and mental practice from the Shi Foo, and more importantly with high ideals and sense of justice, a hero was made of this fellow, when he conquered one by one the many devils on this earth.

In the real world, this fellow is utterly confused as he really cannot see clear distinction between angel and devil, nor is it so straightforward as to transform things to his ideals. Sometimes it is the people, whom he wants to help, do not want to help themselves. There is usually frustration, defeat or sense of helplessness or hopelessness felt.

I see many such examples.

A man with many years of experience in a progressive company becomes a new boss of another company, with many improvements to be desired. This new boss reminded again and again the high standards and good attributes of his old company, much to the irritation of the staff. This, in turn, frustrates the new boss.

The new boss, obviously, cannot and do not have the notion and skills to strategically “blend” with the existing culture or practice, and help them to move to another higher standard.

A new graduate armed with the high ideals of the theories and principles learned in the university campus, also “descended” upon this earth of employment, business or investment. And he or she is disappointed or shocked to see realities different from that conceived during the campus time.

Facing realities with new mental models and skills takes time and effort of many. Some make it, many get beaten by the systems, and give up.

In the family scenes, there are similar pattern of behavior.

With good intention, parents use neighbors’ children as the benchmarked reference points on their children, for example so and so is good in study and extra-curriculum activities, and start imposing such standards on their children.

Or, it can be the case of a growing up child into adulthood, having different standards and expectation from his parents. He or she also get frustrated with the new found awareness.

Some children run away from home or go astray or reject their parents. There are extreme cases of severe abuse by parents, but not in all cases.

Realities and Ideals or Expectations do not match. This creates conflicts and anxieties.

Ideals dislocated from realities are worthless. Realities without ideals get us stuck and sucked into dark ages.

High standards, expectation and ideals help shape a greater direction for a better world, maintaining a creative tension of the larger visions and realities, is a greater challenge to acquire.

To learn to bridge the realities and ideals (with necessary re-examination) can be a life long learning journey, for others, they can accelerate the learning curves by high awareness or being open to others’ view or seek help through reading, practicing or coaching. There are others who choose to bury their ideals.

Looking back, I was once this ideal fellow, learned to be a bit wiser as I faced the realities of life and moved my way forward until now. There are certainly still more learning to be experienced, in this world of complex realities.

The Kung Fu fighter needs not be frustrated or defeated..

End

Superiority of a New Initiative

2005-09-24T21:34:00.000+08:00

It is interesting to observe a heated and passionate debate among colleagues during lunchtime regarding a corporate-wide new initiative by the company.

This is not the first initiative. In fact, over the years, there are many different initiatives with different reputable international consultants engaged by the corporation. These consultants are expensive.

Many at the lunch table argued and supported the superiority of this new initiative. They stressed the fact that this round is very different and the initiative encompasses many more dimensions, not addressed by the previous initiatives. That explains the not so successful outcome in the past.

A veteran in the group pointed out that the rationale and argument sound very familiar, as in the past, he noticed the same passion and zeal by some members who supported the initiatives and programs then.

“In five years time, is there a possibility that another group of people with equal or more passion advocate another initiative, citing the missing pieces of the current initiative?”

The group challenged the veteran as what are the missing pieces?

“Commitment and genuine dialogue where there is rich flow of meaning in very conversation”.

This quickly resulted in another fierce round of debate and argument. “What do you mean by that?” “What evidence you have that there is no commitment and dialogue in the current initiative and program?”

Another quiet veteran saw the same pattern of behavior, people cannot see eye to eye and real good communication was not generated, right now at the lunch table, not in the current initiatives or in the past so many initiatives.

But he was wise enough not to open his month, less he got dragged in the same problem that he wanted to highlight.

End.

Where is Heaven and Hell?

2005-09-24T21:28:00.000+08:00

Once a friend asked me this question : “Where do you think is heaven and hell?” knowing that I was baptized as a Christian when I was young..

I pondered for a while, as this question was never in my mind for a long long time.

“When I was young, I was taught in the bible class that heaven and hell was after our life. We will be judged by God as where to go. I believed then.”

“When I grew older, I experienced heaven and hell in this world. No need to wait till after life”

Today, I see it differently. “Haven and hell is in the mind. You state of mind determines whether you are in heaven or hell.”

It this a sign of aging, or sign of wisdom?

Maps, Directions and Orientation

2005-09-18T22:29:00.000+08:00

One can get lost easily without a roadmap in an unfamiliar tertiary.

In the physical world, once we get hold of a good map, knowing our direction to the desired destination, we can orientate ourselves and get what we want.

But, in a non-physical world, it is a different story.

You can try this.

Approach an employee, ask him or her “Do you have clear directions from you boss on what to do and where the organization is heading to?” Often, you get an answer “No”. (The boss wouldn’t like it, if he hears that! So don’t ask in front of the boss, otherwise you would not get a honest answer.).

Then you ask the same question to the boss, likely you get the same answer. And you go on to ask his boss’s boss, again, you may get the same answer.

You may try the above to a family.

Ask a child that question: “Where is the direction you are going?” (You have to steer him or her away from physical sense). You may get an answer like “study hard”. Pressed further “Get a good job”. Don’t try further; you may irritate the boy or girl.

Now, you do it to the parents. “What is your direction and roadmap?” You get a fairly standard answer: “Make a decent living for my family.” Drilled further, “For the children future and peaceful retirement.” You better stop here.

Once I observed a 2-day workshop of a group of senior management members with an external facilitator. The key objective of the workshop was “To determine the roadmap of the entire organization, with schedule and milestones.” At the end of the two days intensive workshop, one participant asked in great frustration: “What is the roadmap to the roadmap we had drawn up for the last two days?”

Sharing Vs Condemnation

2005-09-18T22:27:00.000+08:00

It is interesting to observe a young adult mixing up “sharing” and “condemnation”. For that matter, many adults could not make a good distinction also.

Once a young adult overheard the conversation between his father and friend on some difficulties faced by another person. In this particular case, the person concerned has financial difficulties. The father and the friend had common views, i.e. the reasons why the person was in such financial difficulty, particularly on his lack of financial planning and necessary skills to grow the money. To both of them they enjoyed the conversation, as they had common viewpoints.

The young adult had strong opinion on the matter and does not agree at all with the remarks and discussion made between his father and his friend. As he was in disagreement, he was not happy with his father’s behavior and remarks. He reacted by saying the father and friend were too biased to their own opinions, which could be wrong and there is no need to make such condemnation against another person.

It is good that the young adult has his own independent opinions on things. As the opinions between the father and son are different, there was good opportunity for a good discussion or conversation between them for better understanding of things. This is a platform for mutual learning.

However, when the son got impatient and frustrated with the old father for failing to see his point of views, we come to a classic case of “people have difficulty to see their own eyes.”

That is, we can exhibit the same behavior when complaining about the same behavior about another person. Irrespective of young and old, human being always has such problem. We will insist that our views are correct and absolute.

The young adult, in a way, is condemning the father, just like he complained about his father condemning another person.

The young adult ignored the fact that the adults were just having their own sharing and fellowship. The ideas expressed in the discussion, need not be the universal truth or the correct theories, but the two friends find the flow of meaning between them.

After all, the son may have this good fellowship with his peer groups, expressing ideas that may not be supported by parents or the world at large.

Making good distinction between “Sharing on similar opinions” and “condemning others” can be helpful.

There is no right or wrong, just different worldview.

Mixing Apple and Lime

2005-09-18T22:23:00.000+08:00

Lately I take great interest in mixing different types of fruit in juice-blending, using a newly purchased expensive 2 horse-power blending machine that can grind skin, seeds, or the wholesome fruits into fine particles and fluids, preserving all the nutrients and enzymes. This is my recent belief that consuming fruits in their natural state is better than taking supplements for good heath.

As it is a daily practice, I begin to experiment with portions of different fruits to satisfy my taste bud.

If I want an apple juice, mixing large amount of lime would not get me the required apple juice, but a little bit of lime enhances the overall taste.

I see some parallel (apple and lime) in some people who are tormented between “want” and “fear” or “discomfort” in making some life decisions.

Not long ago, my friend approached me and explained that his wife was very keen in spreading the message of God and wanted to be a part-time preacher, but she is very shy and scare of speaking in public. He wondered whether I could help his wife to overcome the fear as he knew that I am a coach.

This is a case of a person having consciousness of what she wants and what she fears. And she is determined to find a way to diminish or remove the fear element. And she is very focused in what she wants.

And there is another situation about a young adult. He just joins the workforce as an employee. After a few years, with respect to the nature of the job, he feels that his intellect and potentials are not being fully used. He wants a more challenging job, but he has problem to communicate effectively his requirements to his manager and management concerned. Communicate effectively, carry out the many crucial conversations with so many parties concerned, manager, HR, receiving department etc. no doubt, can be a daunting task, even for senior or veteran adult. It is not only uncomfortable to talk with a purpose and requirement, but frightening also. Try asking a mouse to make a request to a cat!

The issue is does he want a change to his job, or continue to waste his time in doing machine-type of work.

Do you want an apple juice or sour lime water?

Alien is wondering about earthling’s intelligence ….

2004-11-15T17:35:00.000+08:00

An alien from the outer-space observes the strange phenomena of the modern men in this earth, managing their life and death, particularly in the areas of sickness, suffering, disease, cancer …

There are great advancements in the technology of medicine. The degree of sophistication in the diagnosis of diseases, treatment, surgical operation etc. is unheard of and beyond imagination in the yesteryears.

There is good eradication of diseases due to ignorance of basic hygiene, but “civilized illnesses” increase : heart attack, stroke, diabetes, Hepatitis, Chronic Liver Disease, stress related problems …

The cost of medicine and medical treatment also goes astronomically high. So is medical insurance premium. The medical burden increases for government, corporation and the common folks.

The alien could not understand, “why huge investment still result in higher cost of the medical products and services?”

With large investment in medicine by drug manufactures, government, researchers, hospitals, medical bodies, the cases on sickness, cancers and diseases increase and not decrease. (Although there is no statistics presented here, we could verify this by taking a sample, or ask ourselves the following: “Do you have worry that you may get cancer? Or, worry about your parents or the elders having high medical costs?, Have you every now and then heard someone your know having sickness or chronic diseases, ..?)

Many medical professionals or practitioners cannot guarantee their own well being, they also get diseases, cancers. They take up high medical insurance. Their chance of a healthy life is no better than common folks.

The alien has high regards for the earthlings having rational minds and intelligence, but why do they invest so much, yet get more suffering and insecurity about their health, and living their life to the fullest.

The alien also notices the motto of the intelligent human beings : “Prevention is better than cure”. But the effort, the investment, the high commercialization are on treatment of symptoms.

While the societies and industries continue to invest in modern medicine and its related technologies, many parents also sacrifice and save every dollar and cent to help their children to take up the expensive medical courses, degrees or specialist qualifications. The newly trained medical doctors, medically related researchers, technologists, manufacturers continue with the high cost of symptoms treatment of sickness, cancers with more sophisticated technologies.
They get paid handsomely; the specialist fee, hospitalization fee, drug bills, .. sucking and draining more resources from this earth to fight and cure sickness, not prevention. This attracts more to be symptoms-curing products and services providers.

While we laugh at the futile and strenuous effort of a child using a “sophisticated” spade to scope water from the leaking boat in the river, the alien also laughs at the humankind investment and effort in medical symptoms treatments with more health insecurity and higher cost.

“Strange earthling’s behavior!” – the alien concluded.

Andrew

Link

Bitterness and Anger

2004-11-11T22:04:00.000+08:00

I had a conversation with a friend on “Bitterness and Anger about life”.

I remember another friend of mine, who was frustrated with his career many years ago. He felt strongly then that the employer was biased, not only did not appreciate his contribution, but promoted someone who was obvious to many not qualified, and took advantage of the system he set up.

He resigned and moved his family to another country.

20 + years later, I met this friend and spoke about the past, the career and his resignation. It was clear to me that the bitterness and anger he has, never diminish, but become anchored into his life.

There are many bitterness and anger about life in varying degrees in this global village: from individuals to a community, a race, a religion or even a nation. Some are so deep rooted they increase from generation to generation, intensified by emerging events or reactions, perceived as not supportive or malicious to the parties concerned.

It is sad to see the friend of mine, whose past experience takes control of his present life, and he becomes the victim of his own inner thought and reaction to the external event, although long past.

It is much more complex when the bitterness and anger are harbored by a group of people, years after years. They see themselves being marginalized. They perceive injustice abound, and they feel totally insecure and threatened, not only of their livelihood but also their very identity. They fight back, they retaliate for their survival, often at the expense of the life of others.

A vicious circle, invariably gets created. The perceived just, unjust, the victims and the culprits, aggressors and defenders, the rich and the poor, the powerful and the powerless, ….. they all get intertwined, interacting with each other, guided by their own perception of right or wrong, .. to create a greater mess or bloodshed that is another recipe for more mess and bloodshed.

A skillful counselor or coach may be able to help my fiend to take control of his own destiny and not let his life be colored by external event.

But there is no equivalent entity to help to transfer a collective force of bitterness and anger into an energy source that propels human growth, deep understanding and co-existence - certainly not a political system that is even democratically elected by the majority. The human being in the majority has their own sense of bitterness and anger, fear and anxiety, security and self-survival.

Instead of pursuing an entity or authority, it may be crucial now to build a network of communities learning and sharing the basic universal human values. It is easy say than done : who want to be left behind in a rat race, not just for economic gain but basic survival?

As we look back and review our human history, there were such dedicated minorities who manifested the greatness of mankind. I believe history will repeat itself, maybe after many expensive mistakes made by mankind.

Andrew

Rain and Flash Flood

2004-11-08T18:34:00.000+08:00

Today it rained heavily again.

Lately it rained almost every evening. It is common to see headlines in the newspapers the traffic jam and damages caused by flash food. Many reasons are given for the frequent flash flood with heavy down-pour: poor drainage, over-development, rubbish and construction materials in the drain, poor planning, poor enforcement, etc. etc.

What is certain is that one would expect flash flood somewhere when it rained. As motorist, one has to pray that he or she does not get caught in an unfortunate situation, getting stuck or car ruined by flood.

The cause and effect relationship is well established : rain and flash flood. Well, at least there is that certainty, flash flood, to be anticipated and managed.

But in a complex system, cause and effect are not closely related in time and space.

For example, with the recent Bush election victory, no one will have any certainty what will happen to the US and the rest of the world. Bush supporters and opponents will have their own different speculations, theories and opinions what may happen : for the good or the worse?

It may not be surprising that the emerging events may not be what is envisioned by either party. Nor by the Bush administration!

It is indeed a complexity of a dynamic nature.

We can only rely on the collective wisdom of humankind, if at all we have grown any wiser.

Andrew

Thinking of my Reflection

2004-11-07T17:37:00.000+08:00

.
These two days I do not have anymore new ideas. It seems that I have exhuasted all ideas after I finished a few new articles last few days, posted at my website http://www.360q.com

It is best to do some housekeeping work to my website when my brain is empty.

I noticed that the color scheme was awful and I changed it. It is better now.

Certainly I still need my brain to decide on some better color scheme to my webpages.

I have published more than 1000 articles or slides. It will be good to review them and see any change in my thinking pattern, as a sign to indicate new wisdom or stagnation of thinking or permanency of some of the older ideas.

I must say I still feel comfortable with most of the thoughts I expressed.

My only regret is there are very little challenging or opposing views that can help me to go deeper into my own thoughts.

How would I look at all these reflection 10 or 20 years from now? It is hard to tell. Maybe with different encounter of life then, I may see different perspectives. Maybe it stays the same.

The mental pictures I have about the world around me in the future may act as a confirmation of my current reflection against the evolving and emerging patterns of events or things happening now and tomorrow.

For the time being, my mental map is the terriroty I see around me.

Andrew

Talking to Myself

2004-11-07T15:20:00.000+08:00

.
I am so used to talk to people. We all do.

Now I have to imagine I am sitting infront of "me" and start a conversation.
What would be the conversation about? What would it be like?

Looking at the person infront of me, someone who has lived half a century, with experiences here and there. Someone who seems to have different views of the world around him as compared with others. Or, isn't that the same for everyone who thinks he or she is unique. Then this person infront of me is like any other person.

What would I talk to any other person then? "How are you doing so far?" "How you see your future?" "What are you thinking now?"

"How are you doing so far?" He or "me" will be reflecting about his current life and make an assessment, make a conclusion.

"How you see your future?" He or "me" will either review his plan, or make a guess of his goals.

"What are you thinking now?" He or "me" may use the thoughts of the above, or think of the current events, activity or happening.

If I continue this conversation, I wonder whether the past, present, future and circumstances around "me" are all about me?

I have been thinking, reflecting and recording these images and feeling in my webpage http://www.360q.com and I still wonder "have I really talked to myself completely!"

Andrew

2004-11-07T11:13:00.000+08:00

Mt. Fuji in the background